We live in trance….
I remember being in London a couple of years ago and attempting to find the bus station in order to get home. After 10 minutes of wandering around I was no closer to discovering where the station was.
It was at this point I saw a man coming towards me in a business suit, holding a brief case. As I attempted to get his attention, the man continued to walk at an intentional pace with his eyes fixated on the floor in front of him. It got to a point where I had to physically stand in front of him in order to get him out of the trance-like state he was in, in order to ask for directions.
This is an example of the type of mindset we find ourselves in on a daily basis, whether we are aware of it or not (typically not!). It is also one of the reasons why coaching is so vital. Before I go into why coaching is sooo relevent in todays world, let me explain a bit about how the mind works.
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There is a whole lot of information coming into our senses at any one time. To be aware of all that information would simply be too overwhelming, so the brain creates filters into order to allow in all the information it deems important and filter out all the information that is not deemed ‘news worthy’.
What is filtered through tends to be information that confirms and solidifies further your present idenity (thats the ‘you’, ‘I’, ‘me’) that corresponds with the world. This happens outside of our awareness and what we become aware of is the narrative that forms as a result of this process going on outside of our awareness.
Because we live in a fast moving world and the demand for our attention is stronger than ever, we tend to accept most things that come via our narratives, whether they help us or hinder us. Think about all the beliefs and assumptions we make about ourselves and the world, we tend to accept without question.
My definition of coaching is “facilitating a group or individual in ethically getting what they want”. So when a client comes to see me they tend to have a goal and subsequently a narrative that is filled with assumptions, polluted with limiting beliefs and filled by ‘shoulds’. My role is to really nail down what it is exactly what they want and then (the next bit is frequently missing) identify resources and strategies in order to get there.
An example would be a client I had who made bags and Jewellery. She had a goal (sell bags) and a platform (online) but her strategy was lacking and she was being held back somewhat by a fear of getting busy. Without coaching there is potential she would have sorted these two issues out, but it could have been as a detriment to her business (bear in mind a lot of business fail early not because it was a bad idea, but because not enough people knew about the business).
Another example would be a client who had zero self-confidence to the point he would either get blind drunk and disappear for days at a time or just be a recluse. My coaching stretched out his capacity to think and helped him bring his personality out for people to see. Now he is working, interacts with the world more and is much more self confident.
The Criticism of Coaching
Coaching gets a lot of criticism and the main criticism is “what makes you think you can tell me what to do with my business or life”? My response to that is this: My job is not to tell you what to do with your business or life, I’m not your Mother. I’m there to ask you questions and provide other perspectives based on what you’ve said. I’m there to hold you accountable and only when you have exhausted all your potential options will I provide you with some suggestions if needed.
Coaching is to facilitiate, not to dictate and when you work with a coach you will see the value that it can have in your business and/or life.
If you want to experience how I coach and how it can help you with increasing confidence, turning ideas into reality or just getting out of a stuck state, check out how you can book set up a conversation with me here: Confidence Lounge Coaching